Hills

This Weekend has to put down as an all time low in the of Cooky (me), and its a place i don't want to go again.

It started Thursday and although I went to work I found myself not coping and had to leave early as I felt empty and distant. The same again on Friday.

Saturday I couldn't even pull myself up to open curtains and Sunday got worse and even when I heard people knocking on the door and trying to call me I just curled up and tried to ignore it.

I knew people where worried and I was hurting them by ignoring them, but when your in that state of mind nothing makes sense and worse you can see a future and think that the people you love would be better off with out me and the worry would go away and they would have a better life.

But while i was in that state I continued to pray and continued to tell God I trusted him and although my faith was slipping I somehow knew God was looking out for me.

I Stayed up till 4.30am Saturday morning and not tired or wanting to face the week ahead. But I drifted of to sleep and at 9am my dad called to say hi and see what I was up to.

I got out of bed with a felling of calm and somehow I had the energy to do some stuff round the house and almost felt like I could run a marathon (I'm not going too). I was back on a high and nothing was going to pull me down.

I went out looked at cars and did some shopping. I came up with a new business idea (i do that allot but still not rich) and I got myself down the gym and signed up.

I don't know what is going to happen next, and I'm sure I will have bad times again. But I truly feel that god was listening all weekend and maybe I had to hit the lows to get to the highs. A bit like when I was a kid on holiday, out walking across the hills of Derbyshire we would get up the top of the hill and mum and dad would say ''lets just see whats over the next'' this happened at the top of every hill.

I'm sure i have many more hills to climb and I'm sure I'm gonna hear that voice say ''just see whats over the next'' but I also know that God is there and I can trust in him and know he wants the very best for me and and my family and all i need to do is trust and listen to him. Because he can get me to the top off even the biggest hills.